My husband has many skills. Golfing skills, driving skills, making spaghetti sauce skills, snoring skills, coaching T-Ball skills, and honestly, he is amazing with numbers. You can ask him any three digit number plus another and the answer will emerge within seconds. The newest skill in his collection is that of communication.

It was a Monday morning when he announced he would be leaving Wednesday for a two day communications seminar. Stunned, I asked how far the golf course was from this “seminar”; certainly he was only pining for a two day get-away. In the end, he really felt the need to enhance his communication skills while improving his interpersonal and presentation skills as well. I thought he communicated quite well both work and home but nonetheless, he and another coworker packed for their journey to communicational success.

They drove off waving with a quick “see ya” and I bolted for the garage to see if the golf clubs were gone. The clubs remained and he returned 48 hours later robot-like pronouncing every syllable possible. “Hell-o...fam-i-ly...I missed you...kids, were you good for your moth-er?” None of us spoke; we stared with one eyebrow raised. “Hey ugh, John, are you ok? Long drive home?” I asked. I didn’t get an answer, only a response asking me why I’m showing so much emotion.

Oh boy. They brainwashed him. I put the kids to bed as quickly as I could and asked what he learned. “The big-gest thing I learned was the use of e-mo-tion when we com-u-ni-cate”. There it was, proof he didn’t even rent golf clubs, instead he spent a lot of money learning to talk communicate like a two year old after a three hour nap. Within days I learned that there is a big difference between asking him to take the garbage out and asking to take the garbage out with a wrinkled forehead. Apparently sarcasm is clear in the forehead. The texts between coworker’s wife and I began to fly containing LOL, OMG, and LMAO.

We made a silent bet this would last a week or so before they went back to blending words, curling a lip, and flapping their hands around but we were wrong. It took three months and two days. They learned and kept what they needed to for business purposes but normality at home returned.

It was a Monday morning when I announced I would be leaving Saturday for a 24hr beauty seminar. I figured it was only fair. Botox, massage, and a hot tub soak in a five star hotel was far less than he spent on his seminar and I would return calm and emotionless as well. At least mine is guaranteed to last four to six months.

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