From her earliest memories, Buffalo native Patti Novak could identify her gifts for empathy and discernment. Those gifts, combined with sensitivity gained through life challenges, a fun-loving personality and good old-fashioned hard work, brought Novak to the forefront of the dating service industry and an appearance on the nationally-broadcast Oprah Winfrey Show. Interestingly, Novak’s current role as matchmaker/dating coach at Buffalo Niagara Introductions (BNI) is focused less upon the future’s technological promise than placing a modern stamp upon ancient traditions.

Beginning with ancient Hindu and Jewish societies, and following history through the Middle Ages until as recently as Colonial America, matching parties who would succeed in a marriage was a function of parents, religious leaders, astrologers and diviners. In some cultures, this sort of “matchmaking” was a profession in its own right.

During those times, particularly in cultures where arranged marriages were the norm, matchmakers enjoyed a logical level of job security, especially when parents were as eager as celestial forces represented by the matchmakers to arrange a union. But what happens to a matchmaker in a 21st Century economy, when marriages aren’t arranged, parents have little say in who their children marry and the youngsters themselves can, through online dating profiles, introduce themselves to literally millions of potential partners with a click of a mouse?

“While online dating sites have greatly increased the number of potential matches a user can connect with, they are forced to rely upon information users supply about themselves, instead of an honest read by a third party,” Novak explained. “Simply asking trusted friends to describe our personalities to us can show us that, although we all have ideas about who we think we are, our self-assessments may not be that accurate. But those self-assessments are what people enter into their dating profiles.”

Novak’s approach relies upon her gift for empathizing with others, seasoned with a healthy dash of tough love, to objectively identify a client’s relational wants and needs.

“God gave me a gift for doing a quick read and putting hearts together,” Novak said.

And in a free enterprise economy where unsuccessful matchmakers go bankrupt, that gift has served her well.

While she remembers being a sensitive child, Novak attributes some of her sensitivity to overcoming difficult circumstances early in life. For example, she began suffering from seizures at the age of 10, which didn’t cease until Novak had brain surgery at age 32. Clearly, this medical condition set her apart from her peers during her formative years, and could have adversely affected her for life.

But that wasn’t how Novak planned to deal with the situation.

“I had a choice,” she remembered. “I could either hide in a shell or come out like a tiger. I chose to be the tiger, and to maintain my self-respect, self-worth and self-love.”

A primary source of support for Novak during these and many other troubled times was her father, who was well-known locally as Streets Commissioner for the City of Buffalo. It was her father, in fact, who helped inspire Novak to start her matchmaking business, helped her with her business plan and encouraged her to research area dating services which, although they weren’t offering the same services as Novak, were the closest thing she would see as competition in the Western New York market.

Novak opened BNI in 2001, shortly after the local dating service industry was stigmatized by the New York State Attorney General’s ongoing investigation of prominent matchmaking services. Simultaneously, Internet dating sites and chat rooms were rapidly gaining popularity, so starting a dating-related company in such a business climate may have appeared to be an uphill climb.

Ever the optimist, Novak didn’t see things that way.

“There were a lot of local people disenchanted with available dating services at that point,” she explained. “That situation presented a huge opportunity.”

To capitalize on the opportunity, Novak applied a relatively simple formula: (1) interview singles seeking companionship, (2) match people who would be compatible, and (3) track up to three dates for the couple, intervening when requested. The third step involved ensuring that the male was the party to call to ask for a date, that he paid for the date, and that he couldn’t ask for more than three dates without permission from BNI. Novak’s approach resonated with area singles, and the business began to grow.

An integral part of Novak’s service is “tough love.” Sometimes, it’s necessary for Novak to be completely honest about what she sees in order to help a client find happiness. As an example, Novak shared a fairly common scenario in which an overweight female client was disappointed that she was having trouble finding dates.

On one such occasion, Novak told her client, “We both know that you are a beautiful person. But men are concerned with weight in much the same way that women are with height. An adult male probably can’t grow taller, but you can lose weight.”

Novak then recommended that the client temporarily suspend her contract with BNI for a month or two, until she made some healthier lifestyle choices and would be ready to date again.

“The important thing about tough love, though,” Novak observed, “is that the ’love’ has to come before the ’tough.’ When a client knows I’m working in his or her best interest, direct observations are easier to hear.”

Novak’s company landmark accomplishment for her company’s first year was jointly holding her first “Singles Mingle” event with a local radio station; that and subsequent “Mingles” have proven to be some of the most popular social events in the area.

While the road to success is different for every woman, Novak offered some advice for women seeking to follow their business dreams:

-If you feel strongly about the work you hope to do, take the risk and start your business;

-Keep your integrity; word spreads quickly about unethical business people;

-Maintain your professionalism at all times, including dressing for self-employment in the same way you would for any other job;

-Stay as positive as your brain will let you. Negative thoughts drain energy; and lastly,

-Persevere. You will get through it.

-No matter what happens, focus on doing what you initially set out to do.

Even as BNI continued its rise to prominence, Novak would have to face three more life challenges. The first was the passing of her father, whose emotional strength and unconditional love and support Novak recognizes as key elements of her current success.

“Losing my father taught me the power of prayer and spirituality,” Novak reflected. “Now I remember him by using the wisdom he shared with me in my daily life.”

The second challenge was being a single mom for ten years. The divorce came at a time when BNI was demanding nine to 14 hours each day from Novak’s schedule, and a time when Novak’s husband worked a job with such irregular hours that issues such as child care and visitation were especially tangled. Novak explained that through constant, strong communication with her daughter, the two of them were able to overcome that challenge.

Novak’s discussion about the third and current challenge was very brief.

“Menopause is a bitch. That’s all I’m saying.”

For more information and dating tips, call 694-8585, visit www.buffaloniagaraintro.com, or visit the BNI offices at 1868 Niagara Falls Blvd., Suite 101, Amherst.

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