I’m a dog! That’s not my name! I’m BATMAN!

I have come to accept that fact that my child is nuttier than a squirrel turd.

I assumed that when the hospital handed us his birth certificate, his given name proudly displayed, that we were taking home just one more body. NOT the case. I now have two additional.

I would like to take this opportunity to introduce to you the newest residents of the place we lovingly call home – “Squirreltown U.S.A.”

Our newest resident needs no honorary title. Without any further introduction, ladies, I give you BATMAN!

(APPLAUSE)

As I mentioned, he is new to being with us; just a few days in fact, however I am already hoping he does not like our little town, packs up his belt and cape and high tails it out of town; flames a’blazin’ out the back of the Batmobile. You see, Batman makes it known that he does like being removed from his Batsuit (jammies) to go potty and get dressed in his civilian gear. He feels it alters his persona. I have managed to convince Batman that even superheros need to have their Batsuits washed by their Mommies. That seems to be working. For now. But he needs to go before he and our seasoned resident below become chums and create some sort of dynamic duo of insanity!

Next I give you “The Doggie” – The second dog we now have in our home; the one with two legs not four, except that he does not walk on two legs, he crawls around barking. Something a friend at daycare introduced him to (I will be sure to send his parents a thank you gift). It’s exhausting that in order to get him to do anything I have to address him as “doggie” not his given name and god forbid I ask him as otherwise; I am quickly reminded that I am to ask the doggie”; “doggie you have to put your underwear on”, “doggie, it’s time to eat”, “doggie, we are late, move your ass” (I do word it differently to the doggie). If we do not address him as he expects, we are met with delays of ungodly proportion. Delays that we just don’t have time for. My thought as I sit and type is maybe if I treat him more like a dog he won’t want to be a dog? Make him pee outside, eat without silverware; oh crap, we already do that.

Give me strength