Five hours, that’s how long my husband took to power wash our backyard deck. Every single space between the wooden planks had to be flushed out, why I don’t know. Believe me, most dentists don’t drill out the decay in a tooth’s cavity as meticulously. I tell ya, that deck would have to stretch from here to eternity for me to spend that long cleaning it. Which is where he might have landed, in eternity, if he hadn’t finally shut that darn thing off. That machine sounds like a jackhammer and it bores a hole in your scull, so now I have one to match the hole in his head.

“Who spends that much precious cleaning a deck?” I annoyingly asked him.

“Somebody who takes pride in his work,” and he could hardly spit the words out he was so pooped. But wouldn’t you know, he was still able to utter more? Darn. He even struggled to stoop down to hand me the hose.

“ Here, wanna use this thing for the inside of the house?”

“Inside?! Won’t it strip the paint right off the ceilings and walls?” I gasped.

“Along with the dirt,” he sarcastically added. “Come to think of it, I’ve never seen you spring clean.”

“And you never will, because by your ridiculous standards, I could never do it throughly enough. Much to your chagrin, I’m into cleaning with something bigger than a cotton swab. Who beside you cleans with a Q-Tip? An otologist, that’s who, Stick that in your ear and see how you like it. And by the way, I do spring clean all right, but in the wintertime while you’re so engrossed with your sports on T.V. Haven’t you ever felt me whipping the cushions out from under your rump, and scrubbing the armrest in your chair?”

“Is that why when I get up my pants and shirt sleeves are all wet? I just figured I spilled my beer.”

“And that’s another thing,” I ranted, “if you profess to be so fastidious with everything around here, how can you, a man who uses a fingernail brush everyday, justify wearing the shirt and pants you’re wearing today, wearing them tomorrow, the next day, and possibly the next, and then having the gall to tell me, someone who changes her clothes several times a day, that I’M the slob? That hurts, ya know.”
He surprised me when he sadly shook his head.

“Maybe….maybe I sometimes put you down, so that I can feel good about myself.”

I was stunned. It takes a real man to admit his insecurities. “Do you mean that?” I softly stuttered.

“Hell no! Just thought that’s what you wanted to hear. Quit bawlin’, will ya? If you don’t know by now that I don’t mean half the BS of what I tell ya, we’re never going to make it.”

“I certainly won’t miss our garage that’s cleaner than our house,” I sniffled. “Or those razor sharp creases that you iron into your pant, and when my leg barely touches them, it feels a blade grazing my shin.”

“How about if I only hug you while I’m wearing my boxing shorts? That sounds safe, doesn’t it?”

He always ropes me in with his sweet talk, but so far he’s wearing those should-be-registered-as-a-weapon ironed pants 24/7. Such is married life---our married life.

To read more of Karen’s previously published articles, please visit homegrownharvard.blogspot.com

By Klew

Some people would think that these two words are in direct opposition to each other….but in my world, that is not the case and I am a card carrying PETA member.
(A topic for a future blog!)
This morning, I was taking a final look at myself in my full length mirror and
gave the thumbs up on my fashion choice…gray blouse, black skirt, black leotards and black suede boots!
When I arrived at work, I was met with my peers giving me the once over and handing me a lint brush! I had white fur all over my leotards and boots!!! I removed enough fur to be designated a "kitten"! While this would bother most people, I realized that I was
lucky enough to have cats that love me enough to want my undivided attention no matter what I am doing or what I am wearing!!! Purr-fect little bundles of love that love unconditionally and without reservation. They love me even when I take them to the vet for physicals. They love me even when I have to force feed them medications and have to stick my fingers down their throat. They love me even when I do not clean up their kitty litter box immediately. They love me even when I feed them dry cat food instead of their favorite artisan inspired meals. They love me even when I don't retrieve the catnip filled mouse that they swatted under the stove. They love me even when I allow my friend to bring over her puppy and her grandkids. They love me even when I try to dress them up for holidays. They love me even when…….
And they know that I love them even when they cough up furballs (usually on the carpet instead of on the tile!). I love them even when they jump on the forbidden territory of the kitchen counters when I am preparing meals! I love them when their curiosity knocks over a keepsake and it becomes two keepsakes! I love them when they decided to use the kitty litter box immediately after I clean it. I love them even when they
stick their furry little paws into the fish bowl terrorizing my poor little fish. I love them even when out of the blue, they swat me causing me to have to pour peroxide on the wound in fear of contracting "cat scratch fever".
So it's mutual….unconditional love….. now if I could only find that kind of love with a man!!!

By Klew....warning...This story is sad and may be offensive to those who do not share my beliefs.

Havelock, my beloved furbaby of nine years died on Thursday, January 21st. The only solace I can take is that it was sudden and I was with him. For me, this was easier than to see him go through an illness and make the decision to euthanize. The hard part was going through this knowing the tragic outcome.
Needless to say I was hysterical grief stricken. In addition, my own private guilt is that he may have ingested a cleaning agent that I did not rinse.

My friends and family told me that Havelock would have been too smart to continue to drink the poison. I felt they were just telling me that because they love me. However, upon investigation, they may be right! A cat's sense of smell is greater than humans, and the "fumes" should have been repulsive enough to stop any ingestion. Also, some of the symptoms that appear with ingestion of poison did not take place.

To deal with the "what if" factor I turned to my belief that "when it is your time, it is your time".
Havelock would have died on that day....no matter what!! I truly believe it.

Now I am dealing with the grief of missing him! He was very special and very loving! He was beautiful. He was EVERYTHING a furbaby should be. I would post his picture but I would be worthless for the rest of the day. In the future, when the pain subsides, I will memorialize him.

A sense of humor is needed at this time and this is a story that will be remembered! For burial, Havelock was wrapped in a blanket and placed in a cardboard box. His food bowl, his toys, etc. were buried with him. The problem is that he is buried in a shallow grave that the rain pounded on the whole weekend. Because I did not like the thought of him in that rain soaked box, I made the decision to have his body exhumed and have him cremated. It took a long time for his ashes to be ready. When I inquired why it took so long, I was told "He was frozen"! While many may find this morbid, I look at it as closure. In addition, having his ashes with me will provide me with the comfort that I need!

When I first mention this to family and friends, they look at me with visions of Pet Cemetery or Practical Magic!!! The looks on their faces make me laugh!!
Even in death, he brings me laughter!!!!

A more meaningful tribute to follow............................

By Klew

It's really easy to forget about what is happening elsewhere in the world as we look forward to the weekend! Tonight I have plans which include a great play, fine wine and a wonderful man! ( I will discuss "Gamma" in a future blog) I know that once I begin my weekend activities, my mind will NOT be on Haiti or on any other third world issue. But.... at THIS moment in time, right NOW, I can't think of anything but the devastation and carnage.

I have the sincere desire to ask my publisher for a leave of absence in order to join the relief effort in Haiti. But because of my need for instant gratification and being unable to work out the logistics of my desire, a monetary donation is all I can do at this time.

My agency of choice is the American Red Cross. I was trained as a Disaster Relief Volunteer many years ago. I was involved with the ARC when their reputation was tarnished during 9/11. What few people realize is that the only mistake the ARC made at that time was failure to communicate. The disaster relief fund was not set up for just ONE disaster but for EVERY AND ALL disasters. I am very glad that the ARC was able to effectively inform people of their mission and regain their sterling reputation.

SO...at THIS moment, right NOW, I am asking YOU to make a donation to the disaster relief agency of choice to help the Earthquake Relief/Recovery Effort before your wonderful weekend begins.

http://www.redcross.org/

By Klew

I am going to the SPCA today to get another cat. Isn't that what women do when
they resign themselves to being alone for the remainder of their natural life? (as opposed
to their unnatural life!)

Unfortunately things did not work out with CPT K and we both agreed that they never
will. We wished each other the best in future endeavors and went our separate ways.
I know, I know….if you scroll down, you will read something similar but this time, there
is no turning back just moving ahead for both of us!

Breaking up is an eye opening experience for me. During a break up most people see the
fault(s) of the other person and focus on those faults. For me, I focus on the incompatibility
issues and the focus is on ME. (Imagine that! LOL) I reflect on how I can turn a negative
part of my personality into a positive one. Do I need more patience?
Do I need to be more empathetic? Do I need to listen more? I don't analyze to make me a
better "girlfriend" or "partner". I analyze to make me a better person.

Some people break up with someone and think that they chose the wrong person and consider
the time spent with that person a waste or the decision to be with that person an error in their judgment. They deny the feelings that they had for a person and re-invent the past.

Every man who I dated and eventually broke up with was the right person for that time in my life.
I liked them; I loved them and I would never deny I had those feelings. They added to my life even though they are now subtracted from it.

What I experienced in each relationship made me the person that I am today.
(If any of my exes are reading this…they will be thinking….I helped make her a Neurotic,
Obsessive, Compulsive, Flighty, Capricious woman?). I never regret any relationship I was in
because I had the opportunity to learn what they already knew and do what they already did.

With all the warm fuzzy memories I have from my past relationships, there is still one cold hard fact…
I have come to realize that I am the Alpha Female of my home and there is no room for an Alpha Male. (There is room however for a Beta Male but I already have one in fish form).